Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
