Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
