i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
