I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
