no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize