I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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