I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
