thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
