Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
