you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
