So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
