he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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