I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
