WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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