Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize