i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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