Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
MIDGETS
????
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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