Already got asked if we're dating
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
