Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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