I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
