I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
