As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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