On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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