she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
