I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I love you.
Bad choice
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