I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
