apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
