Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
