you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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