eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
