Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize