i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
