watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
