glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
