Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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