I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
