i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
