No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
