So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
