sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
