birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
