What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize