goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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