Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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