the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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