God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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