my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
