I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
