No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
