Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
