Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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