I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
