Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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