Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the day after is always just damage control
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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