shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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