i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
