Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
