First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
