I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
