I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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