In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
