can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
