i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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