It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
