i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
