So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
