Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Panties = found
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
