lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
