Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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