I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
PANTIES FOUND
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
