a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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